My Journey........

I’m truly convinced that my life issues effects my food intake. I have been on about every diet/ workout plan and never stuck to anything. I mention previously that I actually seen results in a 12 step program but I couldn’t see myself not eating sugar and carbs….but you know what I can’t do it…by myself. I need the help of God. I am finally surrendering to God and as for today not getting my will back. I always pray to God to heal and help me, and he has. He has put this program in my sight a few times. I had a talk to one of my best friends about it…and I light bulb appeared. Stop all the wacky ways you want to lose weight and just follow the simple plan.

So I am back again…willing and desperate. I am just thinking about the stuff I did this pass month to lose weight. I tried taking a liquid laxative and it was horrible. I had to take off work because on the stomach pain it caused. Taking diet pills, starvation cleanses….killing myself to be slim. It is too much for me…instead of wanting to act right and eat right, I did the opposite!!! I just ate more. Oh I was even thinking about get the weight loss surgery too (for the third time)!!! Oh….and also thinking about buying more fitness videos. Right in my face is what I need, my gift of desperation…..FA!

Basically, my journey has some high and low points. At my heaviest I was 210 pounds, now I am 183. At my lowest I was 175. I have stopped taking medicine for sleep apnea and diabetes. I do look better than before but I have did soo much to get where I am now. I have tried everything…even hypnosis . FA got me down to 175 but my love for food and not surrendering totally to God shut that down. I know by now that I could of loss about a good 40 pounds by now. My new sponsor loss 75 pounds since last August.

Spark Coach : Monday Tasks

Today, imagine that you live in a world where scales do not exist. How would you measure your success? How would you know if you were healthy and fit?

I would measure my success by how my clothes fit and how I look in pictures. Also I can tell be if I am/am not huffing and puffing when I am walking or running. Shoot having the ability to run for a long distance would be great.

Task: Find some Spark Time!! (make it your ritual) Wow….At 3:00pm I will log my meals and exercises, use my Spark Coach and write in my blog.

I will set the time of 9:00 to make sure that my food is prepared and exercise clothes is ready if need-be. Wow…I need this structure.

Weekend Workouts

The first picture I recorded the times I went on the dance floor on Saturday. The other picture is me on Sunday while doing my Northland Mall run.

Zumba Thursday

Since I am going to therapy, I have soo much pain now in my lower back. It was hard for me to really get into my workout yesterday but I made it. I had a couple of attempts of not finishing my workout because of the pain throughout the week. Today I have to go grocery shopping for the family. Please Jesus, don’t let my back act up again!!!!!

Wasting Time...

I'm alittle late with this but, I am logging my food on SparkPeople and I am using the SparkCoach. My assignment for Thursday was to "Blog about the obvious (and not-so-obvious) ways you tend to waste time, and come up with a few healthier ways you can use that time to work towards your goals."

Okay so here it is!!!!! I waste alot of time on the internet, wondering, being nosey, and planning on doing things that I don't end up doing...lol!!!! Okay so with that time I could be making my meals and exercising...or planning what I am going to eat or do.

So I can.......

(1) I can talk on the phone while walking or using the treadmill

(2) Cook while sorting out my food.

(3) Walk around my building instead of going to sleep during lunch.

(4) Blog or write down my meals on Sparkpeople when I have free time at work.

(5) Download Sparkpeople application to use when bored.

(6) Add my heart monitor information to the website when I have free time.

God Take the Wheel

I am an emotional rollercoster. I ate lunch three hours ago and now I am hungry as fuck!!!! LOL I want some twinkies, a slurpie, and a cupcake. I am totally feeling deprived..lol! I can not wait for dinner. I don't even want to exercise but I will today. I can do it!!! I can make it happen!!! (with God's help)

I am on Sparkpeople and is trying out the SparkCoach option and it is pretty neat. I have to make up three fast break goals. My three goals is to (1) Drink one less glass of pop (2) Walk instead of taking the elevator, and (3) Read an inspirational story. Three very short goals that can have me complete my bigger goals that were listed on my previous post. I can't wait to fulfill my goals! "God take the wheel!!!!!!!"

Tuesday Blues.....

My workout was cut short because of lower back pain....that was such a bummer.  It took me 22 minutes to walk one mile.  I went straight home and layed on a heating pad.  Today I dont feel as bad so I will be back at it!!!!

Weight Loss Goals

I have to realize these goals everytime I want to eat some candy and chips.......

Goal Number 1:  To lose 60 pounds
Goal Number 2:  Eat correct portion sizes
Goal Number 3:  Eat clean
Goal Number 4: Workout/Walk 5 times per week
Goal Number 5:  Run/Jog a mile
Goal Number 6:  Walk a 10 minute mile
Goal Number 7:  Wear short dresses
Goal Number 8: Wear fitted clothings
Goal Number 9:  Have a flat stomach

Would You Hurt This Person?????

The struggle is real. Throughout my life I have always had an issue with my weight and self image. I longed to be thin but only seen myself get heavier. I tried numerous weight loss/lifestyle changes and nothing worked long term. Well one program worked. The fact of not eating/drinking sugar and flour just seemed unreal to me. It could be possible with the help of God……. But I am such of a food addict that I cannot see myself doing that long term. Just imagine not being able to eat my own birthday cake, candy, slurpies, and whine down to a drink…or two!!!

Anyways, yesterday I felt soo down and hopeless. I just wanted to give up and just eat what I felt and quit exercising. I called up my health insurance company to see what I needed to prove to get weight loss surgery. Fuck it, let me get the sleeve and now it would be my way to become skinny. I felt soo bad that I went and drunk a slurpie……wow!!!! Yes….wanting to lose weight but drunk about 400 calories. I just went home and fell asleep.

Today I woke up refreshed and couldn’t believe that I was feeling that way. I feel embarrassed and ashamed but that is what I was feeling. I have to take life one day at a time. Just for today I am going to care of myself. My friend Steve told me to always keep a childhood picture of myself , look at it, and say “Would you hurt this person?” whenever I wanted to self sabotage myself. I looked at my 2nd grade picture and said ‘No, let me take care of you’. So I went back on my spark page and logged into the SparkCoach section….so let’s see how this is going to work. I also plan to work out today. “I am not going to hurt myself today.”

Cleanse Results!!!!

I survived my three day cleanse. I only lose 3 pounds...smh! I can't complain because at lease I didn't gain weight. That is what I am used to ...Smh!!!

Pictures From Thursday and Sunday.....

I'm Back at It...........

Okay, I have been slacking, eating alittle bit of everything! It is time to make a change!!  Starting today!!!  I need to lose this weight.  I had planned to lose sooo much weight by this time....but I gained ten pounds in a month.  I worked out today and it took 2 hours to walk four miles.....that is horrible.  I used to walk a mile in 15 minutes...now it is taking twice as much time????  That  is crazy.   As far as my diet....I mean lifestyle change....it is terrible. Today I started a sugar/carb cleanse for three days.  I suppose to lose up to ten pounds with it.. This is what my menu look like....

Breakfast:
1/2 Orange

Lunch:
Unlimited Salad
Unlimited Red Meat

Snack:
1/2 Orange

Dinner:
Unlimited Salad
Unlimited Red Meat

It does not sound tempting at all.....I'M HUNGRY!!!!!!!!!!  I'm praying that I can make it for two more days.

I haven't wrote on my blog page in over a year.  Wow, well I am going to start back now.  My focus right now is ME!!!!  Now I am finding ways to bridge the gaps that is stopping me from success.  Making short term goals that will turn into meeting my long term goals.  I am in the process of writing them down now.   My 31st birthday was on Tuesday and I just know now that I have alot of work to do.  I am not comfortable with how my life is turning out to be now, so I have to change it.  Starting now!!!!!!
  
One of my mentors told me to make a non-negotiable list.  So I will make that today and post it tomorrow.