Would You Hurt This Person?????

The struggle is real. Throughout my life I have always had an issue with my weight and self image. I longed to be thin but only seen myself get heavier. I tried numerous weight loss/lifestyle changes and nothing worked long term. Well one program worked. The fact of not eating/drinking sugar and flour just seemed unreal to me. It could be possible with the help of God……. But I am such of a food addict that I cannot see myself doing that long term. Just imagine not being able to eat my own birthday cake, candy, slurpies, and whine down to a drink…or two!!!

Anyways, yesterday I felt soo down and hopeless. I just wanted to give up and just eat what I felt and quit exercising. I called up my health insurance company to see what I needed to prove to get weight loss surgery. Fuck it, let me get the sleeve and now it would be my way to become skinny. I felt soo bad that I went and drunk a slurpie……wow!!!! Yes….wanting to lose weight but drunk about 400 calories. I just went home and fell asleep.

Today I woke up refreshed and couldn’t believe that I was feeling that way. I feel embarrassed and ashamed but that is what I was feeling. I have to take life one day at a time. Just for today I am going to care of myself. My friend Steve told me to always keep a childhood picture of myself , look at it, and say “Would you hurt this person?” whenever I wanted to self sabotage myself. I looked at my 2nd grade picture and said ‘No, let me take care of you’. So I went back on my spark page and logged into the SparkCoach section….so let’s see how this is going to work. I also plan to work out today. “I am not going to hurt myself today.”